I know it’s not ended yet. But it feels like it’s ended for me. Bittersweet year.


In December 2014, got a confession from an unexpected friend. But then he was gone. Then came again. Also, Inpassed the screening test for thesis proposal. Yay for me. Other than this, I have no particular memories in January.

The friend that gone and came back, gone again. Like, GONE. No contact whatsoever until now. Why the heck did he confessed anyway? Thanks God the school started so my mind wasn’t too occupied by the misteriously gone friend.

Maybe I should take back my words. I didn’t like school and thesis. Two classes a week, a mountain of homework/paper/presentation (classes amount was reduced, but I dunno why it seemed they added the homework loading. Shit!), and of course the beloved thesis. But at least one good thing happened: I WAS INFORMED THAT I’D BE ROTATED TO ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT!!!!! And this, baby, is something I definitely wanted to celebrate!!!!!!! (But of course, I didn’t have time to do so)

New department, new boss, new colleague; new job, new responsibilities… Evethough my thesis stuck and school still as suck as ever, after about 2.5 years of sorrow, I SMILED!! I SMILED A LOT. I laughed, I discussed, I argued, I heard and was heared. I was finally HAPPIER.

Thesis. Thesis. Job. Thesis. School. Thesis. Thesis. Thesis. Job. Thesis. School. Thesis. Thesis. Thesis.

Thesis. Thesis. Didn’t sleep for couple of days and finally on June 6th, I submitted the thesis I proposed to be tested. On June 16th, I had the thesis defense. Despite the fact that I had to revise methodology (which means I had to revised 60% of the thesis content), I PASSED THE THESIS DEFENSE AND ANNOUNCED GRADUATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My birthday on June 14th didn’t mean anything cos what the heck, June 16th was MY DAY!!!!!!!! But then here comes the thesis revision nightmare… Thesis revision. Job. Revision. Job… Aaarghhhh I went crazy!! Graduated, yes. Finished? IN MY FUCKING HEAD ONLY. Revision process was depressing almost as much as the writing phase. Because, I had to revise 60% of my thesis and for God’s sake it was HARD TO DO. I only had 2 weeks after thesis defense to revise it. 

June was a rough month indeed. Despite the fact that I was getting older without significant change in my life, thesis was almost got me brain-dead. Luckily time passed and I got it done by July. Submitted the revision. Ended? Of course not but let’s say it ends in July.


I had to admit that I started to get irrationally irritated by people who asked me, “Are you getting fatter?” “Why are you fatter?” “You are so fat!” I wanted to punch them in the face. With hammer. So I started running on treadmills and working out.

Saw some progress. Started a fitgirlsguide workout and felt so much power to change. Still lonely tho.

Fuck it. When I was on fire, I tore my left foot ligament by my ankle, which caused tendon dislocation. It hasn’t fully recovered until this post is made. I stopped working out but somehow managed to keep my size. I had WRP as my diet. Somwhow I thought I did it.

OK. Fuck it. It’s the last month of 2015 and I hadn’t change a bit. I mean, I felt better coz I believed my size got smaller, but nothing really, really changed. Many things happened this month. It’s like the summary of this whole year, the ups and the downs. Felt healthier (even with injured ankle I managed to do workouts), prettier, but on the other hand I felt sad and old and useless. Then on December 21st the accident happened. I had a back pain on my lower spine. This SHIT CRUSHED WHAT I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON. Many shits occurred due to this shitty injury. Too shitty that I don’t feel like writing it in this blog. Too shitty that it ruin everything. I don’t know whether I’d be back to normal or not (and I’m not only talking physically, but also psychologically). I feel like my life is ruined. Maybe it’s too much but if only you know what this injury caused. No, I’m not gonna die, physically I’m gonna be alright, maybe not 100% but still very good or close to excellent to do daily activities. But I had realised that I probably have some personality disorder.


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